Poetry

Poetry in English

19 

Is it really worth it? Is it worth surrounding yourself with this overwhelming negativity? Would you let it break you apart till you’ve got everything and more to lose and nothing left to do than just hide? You aren’t oblivious to what it does to you because you spend time agonizing over it, writing about it, knowing you could just leave and end it all, but you don’t know if you want that to be the final decision. It’s just that putting it into words is your kind of way to find what you really want, even if the journey doesn’t seem quite logical to others. In the end you’re millions of miles away from where you started, but that just means you’re making sense of your thoughts. What is this you’re doing right now if not finding answers to your questions? But if I left, wouldn’t it be worse? This agitation that I suddenly feel - I can’t explain it. It’s like I’m drowning in my own words, not being able to comprehend them anymore. It’s just me being overly sensitive to everything. I don’t even fully understand what the hell I’m trying to implicate but I hope for an end less tragic for this rant than my handwriting, which, fortunately isn’t at all too much to hope for. It is liberating to simply watch where my mind takes the letters in which I trust my feelings, over and over. The fears, the hopes, the fruits of my imagination. I find it harder to describe what I feel logically than to use my imagination and sew all kinds of emotions into what I write, ultimately being the only one to fully grasp them. Then again, I don’t usually write for others to understand me - it is my journey through myself, hence I would never bring someone else’s sentiment into it. Much like when composing music, you so deeply put your feelings into it, I imagine. To create something so beautiful as, say, Liszt’s or Chopin’s piano pieces would be a wonder. Some sad ones are just so heartbreakingly stunning that while it lasts, you’re in a whole other world. Makes me wonder what they felt to bring into being such exquisite melodies. Others put you into a state almost like anger, so lively. Music truly is amazing. There is so much put into it - love, rage, sadness, joy, you just name it. Everyone deciphers music in their own way, turning it into whatever they need at the moment, because it’s always there for you. Same with writing.

2018

18

Fall is always a strange time, it makes me very nervous to imagine this one. It's more than enchanting, it pulls me along and smothers me in its warm colours and cold weather. I remember staring out of a window on a rainy evening and watching the leaves fall, missing the moon.

Then, I remember playing between rain-soaked bushes and trees in a forest, then coming to a clearing and finding odd little white-specked red mushrooms

Years went on, and I was lying on my bed, gazing into the raindrop-covered window and feeling an odd rush of warm freedom. Out of nowhere, the moon came out from behind the rain clouds. I gazed a little more, then headed outside to run in the rain.

In the midst of the rain I felt free, it came to greet me when I felt down. It is usually a very unusual time, when all the rivers in my dreams rise and flow together, all my nightmares get a little sleepy and become more familiar, and there's only an odd, sullen, dreamy peace. 2018

17

I trust the wind to whisper in my ear of what lies beyond

I feel a tiny flicker in the air and wait for the storm to come

I look to the skies for home and remember lives that passed,

now instilled in me

And I know it's been this way since forever,

and I know I'm forever too I know my soul to be one,

one with the stars

I know my heart to stay true through the shuffle of time

Your eyes to recognize mine,

however long it takes

2020?

16

On the ghastly path that leads I found a muse of dreams 

He waits forever and sings for his only lonely one 

I give a hand and steer through the scary dreary forests 

For a memory I once forgot came to me at last

A story once told of a lonesome forest muse 

He sang his heart out in a lovely golden voice 

So every maiden walking would hear his sullen call 

To leave the path that leads her out

2020

15

Awake, my love 

Fly all the way to heaven 

And spread your fiery wings 

You rise, my grace 

You'll always glide like a ship 

Along the fiery winds

2020

14

I can't sleep, I can't live, I need the caress of Toonela's hand on my cheek and the blue heavens under me. I need endless skies beneath me and fluttering green leaves above me, I crave the moon in my hair and the stars on my lips. 

I want to watch the raging rivers of Manala and listen to the gorging rumble of its boiling throat. I want to see the place where all rivers meet as one and cross from the netherly fires to the endless heavens.

13

I'm rushing through endless skies

Straight to you to bind our souls

Entwined as one in eternal bliss

We'll fly together soon

Across countless skies and stars

Across the Milky Way

And behind every galaxy

Our hearts will shine like nothing else

Our love will form the brightest star

A star that cannot die

2019

10

The leaves are turning yellow, one by one

Soon they'll fall but I don't know when

So will I, I know it

I feel like a leaf in autumn

I'll fall and fly, fly far away

I don't know where but it doesn't matter

I just want to fly, fly far away,

I've been here so long

Maybe I'll land straight in his arms

Or maybe he's a leaf too and we'll fly together

Entwined forever by coincidence or fate, I don't know

I've been here so long without him

2019

5
inside this square is a swiveling wind

its whirls overwhelm

struggling in itself like an animal, devouring the barriers

‘tis but a sparkle, still

it knows better, but this feeling doesn’t want to go, should it?

because the square collapses the walls and runs

runs, because it is no good at listening

may it be her demise.

a storm escaped

and it can be seen spiraling through fields in shivering moonlight, rushing into the sky

lighting it up to a blooded frenzy

catching fire and their eyes

shalln’t it enthrall them

enchant to run after

blaze to the core

to infinity

2017

3

i can't hear

i can't see

the agony of you

forgetting yourself

into time

2017